How to know if counselling is right for you

“What would life be if we had no courage to attempt anything?”

― Vincent van Gogh

Is counselling for me?

Have you ever wondered if counselling could help you but weren’t sure if it was the right choice? This is a common question when life presents challenges, and we feel the need for change. There are many ways to create change—whether that’s improving relationships, adjusting to new circumstances, or shifting our mindset. But with so many options, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. If you’re asking whether counselling might be for you, it’s natural to have questions.

Do I really need counselling? Is my problem serious enough? What if I don’t know what to talk about?

All of these are valid concerns.

The truth is, therapy isn’t just for people in crisis. It’s for anyone who wants to understand themselves better, navigate life’s challenges, or develop new coping skills. Just like you might see a doctor when feeling unwell, counselling can be a valuable tool for maintaining mental and emotional well-being.

In this blog post, I thought it could be reassuring to take a look at some signs that counselling could be helpful for you.

(Is this the sign you've been looking for?)

Just a Few Common Signs

There are so many signs and reasons a person might be ready for counselling. While I have written about a few here, this list is by no means definitive. If you’ve got the feeling that you might benefit from meeting with a counsellor, that is reason enough to start exploring options. You know you best. 

You Feel Overwhelmed, or Stuck

Tense. Trapped. Stressed. Many people feel their emotions in their body first. If you notice that your heart has been racing, aching, or feeling heavy then you might notice some of the associated emotions, like dread. All emotions are perfectly valid and helpful in their own way - they’re all there for a reason - but if you’re finding that sensations like this, or racing thoughts, or unusual irritation or temper are starting to feel uncontrollable, perhaps it might be beneficial to work through some of this with a counsellor. These emotions can feel overwhelming, but they are never permanent, and there are ways of working through them. 

Your Relationships are Strained

Sometimes, our relationships can be where we feel safest, which can make it all the more distressing when we notice that things aren’t the way they used to be. If you’ve noticed that you feel disconnected from those around you, then this might be something to bring with you to counselling. Communicating our wants and needs to those that are important to us is an important skill, but it’s easy for things to get in the way of this, which can cause recurring conflicts between yourself and others. Many relationships go through difficult patches, but whether you’re struggling with your relationship with a parent, child, partner or friend, any changes that may have occurred can be processed and worked through with a counsellor.

You’re Struggling With Big Life Changes

Life is full of big moments, and small moments, and these events can have what feels like disproportionate effects on us. Bereavements, career shifts, breakups, becoming a parent, and other major life transitions can change not only what our lives look like on the outside, but how we feel about ourselves on the inside. Change is a part of life, and can be completely out of our control, but that doesn’t mean that it feels comfortable, safe or easy. Working with a counsellor can help you to assimilate some of these experiences into your identity, or empower you to make the life changes that you feel you need to make. At the end of the day, the life you are living belongs to you, and you are the one that gets to make the big choices in it. 

You Feel Persistently Sad, Anxious, or Empty

All emotions have their place in our lives, even if feeling them can be unpleasant or painful, but sometimes they don’t pass or change in the way that we might feel we need them to. If you’ve noticed that you’re feeling sad, or empty, for long periods of time, whether you know why or not, it can feel debilitating. If things start to feel hopeless, or you are constantly anxious or low in mood, then maybe there are things going on in your life that you would benefit from working through with a counsellor. Small feelings can have a big impact, and you don’t have to survive them alone. If you’re experiencing any of these feelings, a counsellor can support you to find ways to get control back, and make sense of whatever emotions are making themselves heard. 

You Want Personal Growth and Self-Discovery

Counselling isn’t just for problems. It can help with self-awareness, confidence, and decision making. There are very few guarantees in life, but you will wake up with yourself every day for your entire life, so you might as well get to know whoever that person is, and build a good relationship with them. We are always evolving, and changing, and there is always more to learn about ourselves. This can help give us power, and control, and sometimes having a better understanding of why we are the way we are can give a sense of ownership over the way that we go about life.

(Always leave a space for yourself)

Common Concerns

It can feel like there are so many barriers to accessing counselling, and we make some of them ourselves with our own fears and anxieties. It's never an easy thing, to recognise that we might need change, so try to hear that message from an open-minded and non-judgemental point of view. It's okay if you need help. Although these are some common concerns and fears, they by no means are an exhaustive list. If you have specific uncertainties, it's okay to ask any possible prospective counsellor their viewpoint, if this feels possible for you to do.

Is my problem big enough for counselling?

Counselling is for absolutely anyone who wants to improve their wellbeing. There is no problem too big or too small to seek support for. It’s not uncommon to feel like we should get through our problems on our own, but isolating ourselves can only multiply the way that we feel. Counselling is the opposite of isolation. It is a way to be seen, heard, and have your experiences witnessed by someone else. If you feel like the problem is too small to matter, remember you are not too small to matter to your counsellor. Every problem matters, and so do you. 

What if I don’t know what to talk about?

It is so okay to feel uncertain. If you know that something is wrong, but can’t put it to words, or even if you’re not sure what’s wrong, a counsellor can help you to uncover what is on your mind. Counselling is about exploration and growth, and it is normal if this doesn’t happen in a straight line, or you’re not sure where to begin. A good counsellor will help you in your exploration, empathising with you along the way, and creating a space that feels safe enough for you to do so, all while placing you at the centre of the work. 

Isn’t counselling just for people with serious mental health issues?

If you have noticed a need for counselling, it is your counsellor’s job to help you meet that need. It’s not just for mental health crises, it can be just as helpful for mental health maintenance, and helping you to keep on top of your mental health as you would your physical. If you want to work through stress, improve your relationships, or gain some clarity on your life, counselling can fit all of these roles. You don’t need to be in crisis, or be diagnosed with a mental health illness to benefit from counselling.

What if it doesn’t work for me?

It can take time to find the right counsellor, and the right approach. There are as many different types of counselling as there are counsellors in the world, so be patient with yourself, and if something doesn’t feel right, it’s absolutely okay to have a conversation about that. Many counsellors offer a free introductory phone call, so make use of that to get to know a person before you commit. But, if you’re already in counselling, it’s okay to talk to your counsellor if something isn’t working for you, or if you feel you need to meet someone else for a different approach. Your counsellor will just want what is best for you, and you know yourself, and what you need, better than anyone else.

{All journeys begin with a single step}

Taking the first steps

If you're ready to explore counselling, there are many approaches to choose from. I use an integrative method, combining techniques like Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, Person-Centred, and Transpersonal. Some counsellors specialize in one approach, while others may use alternatives like EMDR. Think of these as different tools in a therapist’s toolkit, each suited for different needs. I’ll cover more on this in a future post, but for now, the British Association of Counsellors and Psychotherapists offers a great A-Z guide to help you explore your options.

Consider what you need from counselling, and look for a therapist with experience in that area of concern. Take your time to chat to a few different counsellors, and get a sense for who they are and what they can offer you. A great way of finding a good counsellor can be word of mouth, but the internet is also a great tool to help you find the right person for you. The Counselling Directory can be a good place to start, as well as Psychology Today. These offer a list of counsellors local to you, or further afield if you are interested in working remotely. 

Many counsellors offer a free introductory phone call. Make use of these to get to know prospective counsellors It’s important that they are a good fit for you.

(Be kind to yourself. The first contact is always hard)

Thank you!

So whatever is bringing you to the possibility of counselling, know that your needs are important and it’s okay to take your time in moving ahead, if you have decided that counselling might be what you are looking for. Try not to put too much pressure on yourself. Take your time in exploring your options, and ask as many questions as you can think of. Counsellors are there to help and support you, let you feel heard and seen, and give you the environment that you need to make the changes you are looking for. 

Remember that counselling isn’t about having all the answers - it’s about giving yourself the space to find them.

Laura :)